|Landing in Santiago. A view from above. All Rights Reserved|
Today I let go of my baby. A machine I slaved on for the past 30 weeks was being worked on by the techs at a company which will allow families to have children after they thought they no longer could. After many days and nights and weekends I delivered it. It was behind schedule and probably can be better but it was my first time taking a product from scratch to finish.
And just as I thought, upon successful delivery, I was given my last pay check. I was let go effective immediately.
It is hard to be bitter about a place that was always a placeholder, a place to make a little money before jumping somewhere else, a boiler room environment that was fun and stressful. It is tough to be bitter with a company where I couldn’t be who I wanted to be and which is the way it is because it just is and there is no sense of changing it.
When you follow your gut, things act in beautiful timing and this must be one of those times. Incidentally, today was when our company, Phittle made a baby too. Today was the unveiling of our prototype. Three days earlier we had incorporated.
It has been an interesting year. I sold my home, I got out of debt, I wrote the book and now, onto the next stage.
Sure I’m scared and nervous and worried. After never having held a job for more than two years I worry I won’t find another, I worry about my rent and dwindling down my savings. But at the same time, I realize there is a reason I’ve never worked at a place for longer than two years. There’s a reason, I bought a ticket to Tel Aviv for Thanksgiving. There was a reason I broke my own heart and a reason why I finally let go of the club I founded when finishing college.
Maybe I’m in denial, maybe I should be more scarred and more disappointed in myself. Even though I tried as hard as I could and not rue what I could have done differntly. Maybe this is just me dealing with something and putting a positive spin.. Or maybe there’s always a reason and that’s because we are all masters of our lives, even when we don’t realize it. Maybe the worst we can do is be blind to our true wants and desires, our real calling, the worst is to fight who we are and try being something we are not. Maybe doing that,z is the ultimate failure.